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Home > Miscellaneous Articles > Fathers And Daughters

Fathers And Daughters

There's a syndrome which many counselors are aware of. In families where the father spends a disproportionate amount of time at work, the daughters sometime ‘go off the rails’ in adolescence. They become obsessed by boys. Many girls develop crushes on boys but in these families it can become an obsessive need for attention. Where the father isn't providing a male figure the daughter seeks it from her peers. The problem is that her male peers can’t give her the reassurance she craves and so, like an obsessive eater seeking solace in chocolate, she craves for more. Of course boys at that age will give attention to any girl who sends out the right signals. Eventually, this can get out of hand.

In single-parent families where there is only a mother and daughter, the daughter often has no real male role models. When these girls get to puberty they find they can attract male attention very easily. However, although they crave the attention of boys and do so by using their newfound sexual allure, they have no respect for these boys who are easily manipulated. Sometimes they go for boys who seem tough and indifferent and can’t apparently be manipulated. At least they can be respected and consequently their approval counts for something.

Girls who don't have a strong male role model don't understand masculine energy and when they see boys easily manipulated they lose any respect for men. They don't appreciate that there are other aspects to masculinity. When these girls subsequently find a partner they don't understand enough about maleness to select wisely. It’s no different to buying a car. If you know nothing about cars you may make your choice based on colour and find the car packs up shortly after driving it out of the showroom. Or you may find the car too powerful, or not powerful enough. Similarly, women who don't understand men finish up with partners who turn out to be abusive or lazy. There is a whole industry in blaming the men in these relationships but few people ask why the women married them in the first place.

It’s fashionable in some circles to say that families don't need fathers. Children need a good male and a good female role model. You only need to talk to someone who has had good role models to appreciate the importance of this.

© 2010 Philip Braham Writings