Prejudice and Blame
Suppose you are walking down the road and a
kid on a bike goes past and shouts out to you something like ‘Hey you've got
a big head’. What would your response be? Well if You're an intelligent, mature
person then probably not much. You'll think that this is a stupid, badly behaved
person and You'll simply move on. So why when people make comments that are
considered racist or sexist don't people have a similar attitude?
My sister and I went to the same school. She said once that the people there
were anti Semitic and asked me whether I had noticed that. I said I hadn't But,
she said, they call you ‘Jew Boy’! My attitude was that that wasn't anti Semitism;
it was simply a (derogatory) name they gave me. If I had had a big head they
may have called me ‘big head’. It wouldn't have meant anything.
Unfortunately, this attitude is not so common nowadays. People often feel discriminated
against because they want to blame others when things don't work out. This has
been called the ‘victim mentality’. A therapist friend of mine said he refused
to treat people who were seeking legal redress for their problem. Such people
don't want to get treated, not only because they may lose out on money but also
because their problem becomes a focus, a hook on which they can blame their
problems.
This victim mentality is cultivated by various political parties for their own ends. In the same way as politicians will promise hand-outs to sectors of society and know they will get certain support, they tell people that they are victims and therefore not only are other people to blame for their problems, but also they deserve special treatment. There are things that will guarantee votes from certain sectors of society.
This attitude is destructive when people get trapped into it as it concentrates
the mind on the problem rather than on a solution or even the benefits. Counselors
are now saying that often there is personal growth out of adversity. Emotional
development is gained from going through emotional trauma. Some people learn
the easy way, some the hard way and some don't really learn at all, preferring
to blame others or even God. When people ask ‘why me?’ they are blaming God
for their problems, as if there was a divine conspiracy.
I've mentioned before (‘Addiction’) that people have to accept responsibility
for their actions. Blaming tobacco companies for your smoking or fast-food companies
for your diet is to cultivate the victim mentality and in the process you lose
the ability to control your own destiny.
Surveys have consistently found that one of the main indicators of happiness is to what extent people have control over their own lives. People who develop the victim mentality have given up control over their lives and instead blame others. This creates unhappiness and an attitude of further blame and so on. Eventually the victims wallow in their blame and anger and lose the ability to have any control at all.
